July 17th, 2026
Hey friends,
yesterday morning was rough.
Not rough because anything bad happened. Emotionally rough….
I don’t know how some people do this. I really don’t.
I wish I had more strength when it comes to mom guilt. I wish there was some magical switch that made it easier to carry, but I haven’t found it yet.
Dad worked a 10 to 10 the last couple days, and I had work early in the morning. We both left the house around 9, and Jr. was still completely knocked out. When he woke up, neither of us was there. My mom called me so he could see my face, and the second I saw him… my baby looked so sad.
My heart fucking shattered…..
I started crying almost immediately because all I could think was, I’m a horrible mom. I know that’s not true. I know we’re working. I know we’re doing everything we can to build a life for him. Dad and I are just trying to stay afloat like so many other parents.
We’re definitely not the “there’s food at home” parents. If Jr. wants to try something and it makes sense, we’re going to let him. We work hard because we want him to experience things, have opportunities, and feel loved.
fuck the material stuff.
I don’t care about toys or snacks or cute outfits.
I just miss him.
I miss being there when he discovers something for the first time.
The silly little dances, The random words, The way his whole face lights up when something makes him laugh,Those tiny moments feel so much bigger than anything money could ever buy.
It’s especially hard because we’ve worked really hard to create a routine that works for all of us. Dad gets the mornings with him until about 1. Then Jr. spends time with Grandma until around 4, and after that he’s with me for the rest of the day, right up until bedtime.
I’m not gonna lie though…
Sometimes I’m a little jealous of Dad. He gets those daytime adventures. The random funny moments. The little discoveries. He’s such an incredible dad and he does an amazing job sending me pictures and videos throughout the day. I love that he does that because I know he wants me to feel included.
But if I’m being honest…
It’s just not the same.
A picture can never replace hearing his laugh in real time or watching his face light up because he figured something out all by himself.
When I got home from work, we played, we laughed, we were just being goofy together, and I swear I don’t think I’d smiled that big all day.
It reminded me that I’m still his mom.
I’m still his safe place.
I’m still his person.
He’s just growing up so damn fast, and I worry that I’m missing pieces of him while I’m busy trying to build a life for him.
I know I’m rambling.
Maybe this is what mom guilt sounds like.
And I also know I have privileges that so many parents don’t. My job is incredibly flexible. They let me bring Jr. to events. They work with me when I need them to. I know how lucky I am.
And somehow…
It’s still fucking hard.
So to the moms and dads doing this completely on your own…
The single parents.
The parents working two jobs.
The parents missing bedtime because they’re trying to keep the lights on.
Someone needs to give you your flowers because this shit is hard.
I see you.
Today, though, I’m just sitting with my own guilt. I know it’ll pass. I know Jr. knows he’s loved. I know one morning doesn’t define the kind of mom I am.
But today…
Today my heart just hurts a little.
Just mom thoughts.
Hey Jay 